In the last few weeks I’ve had a number of stunningly grand ideas for potential business ventures. Maybe my brainstorms are due to the festering influence of my alma mater’s business school, or maybe they’re the machinations of the true genius that lurks inside my cranium. I’ve filed these under “C” for “Crazy Ideas I Had Once”, but I’ve realized I have neither the time nor venture capital to fully embrace these schemes, so I offer them to you, the Internet community, in the hopes that someone, somewhere, can make them a reality. In no particular order:

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  Tiny Giraffes: Wouldn’t your life be better if you had a pet giraffe? Wouldn’t your life be great if your giraffe fit into the palm of your hand? I’d sponsor a genetic engineering research firm to develop small giraffes to be sold in boutique pet stores. Obviously this idea would require the greatest amount of angel funding, but I think it has the highest potential ROI of all my schemes.

• MyColonoscopy.com: A social networking site for colonoscopy patients. They could publish colonoscopy videos and share survival stories.

• A bar called No Exit: A dimly lit, shady bar with lots of nooks and crannies—perfect for drinking alone. Its tagline would be “Hell is other people.”