It’s gotten mighty cold around Lewisburg as of late. As a college student, I’ve had to walk most places, which means I am out in the cold a lot, so I’ve gotten intimately familiar with said coldness. Many times when I’ve been out, I’ve felt my neck getting cold. I could easily rectify this situation by wearing my scarf (which my friend Noah’s mother lovingly hand-knight for me), but often times I forget it, which means my neck is freezing.

Of course, there’s one simple solution to this problem: flip my collar up. That’s what a collar is for, is it not? Unfortunately, this presents a problem on Bucknell’s campus: the illusion that I am just like all the other yuppie Long Islanders who flip their collars for no good reason whatsoever!

Then again, as my friend Angela pointed out, by not “popping” my collar to keep out the cold, I’m just conforming to another ideal of nonconformity, which makes me a conformist, albeit of a different variety. So to really not conform, and do the prudent thing, I should flip my collar up to protect my neck from the cold.

But then, of course, I still look like I am conforming!

This problem would not be an issue at all, however, if yuppie Long Islanders would stop popping the collars on their damn polo shirts like a bunch of contemptuous buffoons!

Oh, and while you’re at it, please stop wearing those damn boots, too. They’re ass-Uggly, impractical, and overpriced, just like most of your possessions. Kthxbye.