I eat a lot of food at Bucknell—a lot of bad food. Cheeseburgers, pizza, soda—it has some nutritional value, yes, but it also has a lot of grease and fat and other bad things in it. Most people around campus pollute their bodies with alcohol or marijuana; I pollute mine with good ole’ cholesterol. Consequently, I feel as though my general health is declining. This may or may not be true, but my diet in general is making me feel like I am heading right down Heart Attack Lane.

To combat this path towards early death, I decided I would make a pre-emptive strike. I used to run and swim more back in the day, but a summer of working full-time and then college destroyed that healthy habit. The past few weeks I have taken to running a few miles every night or so, which has worked out well. Tonight I thought I’d try something new: swimming.

I used to love swimming, but I haven’t done it in a while. But hey, I thought, Bucknell has a great pool—might as well use it, right? So I gathered up my stuff and headed on over to the pool.

The water was great. I got in and swam two laps at a sprint, then turned into my third and went a bit more slowly.

And then I got about halfway down the lane and thought to myself, “Boy, it would sure be nice just to stop for a bit. I’m kind of tired.” So I did. And then I started sinking and realized that I was in a pool, and the water was nine feet deep, and I’m not nine feet tall, so if I stopped swimming, I’d die. And that got the adrenaline going and got me moving, and I finished the rest of the lap.

Now I’m not one to make some concrete pit filled with water beat me, so I decided I’d finished out my planned set of 10-15 laps. Unfortunately, I managed to do only two more, and then I was just too tired to go on.

The pool beat me—this time. But that was one battle. I’ll still win the war. The pool shall not defeat me! I wasn’t exactly in shape for this match, but I’ll be up to the challenge after I return to my old state. No way will I lose to the pool again.

Olympic swimming pool my ass. I shake my fist at you! You haven’t beaten me yet, Kinney Natatorium!

P.S. I saw a guy at Bucknell today that looked a lot like Michael Jackson, I swear.