I occasionally have bouts of insomnia. If you, the esteemed reader, do not get insomnia, consider yourself lucky. There’s nothing like rolling around for nine hours in bed and waking up with less than an hour of sleep to really make you rethink the whole living thing. Last night, I was having trouble sleeping, so at 2:00 AM I decided to step outside my room for a few minutes and talk to some people on the hall who were still up. I intended on only being gone ten minutes or so, so I didn’t bring my key.

Big mistake.

Half an hour later when I tried to re-enter my room, I found it locked. Of course, I knew my roommate couldn’t have gone anywhere: it was 2:30 in the morning, and he never leaves the room except to shower and eat, anyway. I tapped on the door and said, “Mike, I forgot my key. Can you let me in?”

No response.

Long story short, I pounded on the door, shook the door handle, and still got no response. A couple of guys from my hall pounded on and kicked the door, and yelled for my roommate to open up. No response, although we did hear someone moving around in there, so it’s not as though he had just left for some reason. Finally, around 3:45, I decided to get my RA. He called the RA on duty, who brought around the set of master keys and opened my door for me.

Inside, my roommate slept peacefully. I found all the phones had been detached. (Evidently someone was making prank phone calls to our room, and he had removed the phones from the jacks.) Well, it didn’t matter, at any rate—I was just happy to be back in my room. I crawled into bed and fell asleep.

My roommate is an ass. Anyone want to room with him next semester?